My name is Goris. I'm called a fictive. Though sometimes i get lonely, life has been good to me so far. Right now a majority of my friends are online friends. They really help. I'd have gone mad by now if not for them. Sadly my first friend passed away. In the meantime I made some friends on Discord and Tumblr. Some of them are fictionkin from the same game! I love them a lot and while I'm still learning all of the social cues they are very patient. Some of them are artists and make wonderful art. At first I was shy, I didn't talk much to people at all. Being nonhuman, despite knowing a lot about them, I still felt disconnected, lonely, missing my own kind. I found myself very sad and anxious most of the time. My friends online there have changed my life more than i can express to them!
Off of the internet I have to be silent and watch things from a distance. Only three people know about me and willingly talk to me. My counselor is the one I see the most. She's very nice. The first time I talked with her I was very nervous! I don't remember what we talked about the first time beyond introducing ourselves. It was quite a while ago. Another person I can talk to is a lady whom I will call M. She didn't know about me until I (very nervously) introduced myself. She seemed understanding, at least. The other person who knows me is our mother! While I personally haven't said much to her, I have asked our host to tell her I said some things.
I have my family in the headspace too. I have three close friends here. White, the host, Paar, a dragon, and choco. I can talk to any of them about my problems but Paar is my go to. He helps me to calm down if I'm having trouble. He's our protector and he likes to make us feel better. Choco is from the same series that I am from, fallout. from 76. he is called a mole miner. I've made my own world in our headspace. he resides there with me as it's very lonely. I guess we're kind of a subsystem. He likes to give me pretty rocks he finds. I don't know if he will ever be able to speak more than short and broken sentences, but it's okay. He's learning. Maybe one day! His appearence here has made my life a lot brighter. And drawing him has helped me improve anatomy to draw more body types. I've somewhat adopted him as my son. I used to have three other friends, at different times. Bubbles, a river god, Mothman, a cryptid, and Venom from the movie.
I bought some aquatic snails to give myself something to do in the real world. I've really taken up an intrest in them, they're very interesting creatures. Just when I think I have them figured out I learn a new fact about them. I've even had one give birth! right now i have mystery snails and rabbit snails. I'm thinking about getting another tank when we move and getting some land snails.
Sometimes I really start missing my old life and home. Though I haven't yet found a way to make myself feel more at home, there are some things that make me feel a little bit better. Playing video games, for instance. The ones set in places that look like home. I have a bag of decorative sand to stim with. A soft stuffed dog for when I miss cuddling a dog at night. For when I'm feeling very uncomfortable in this body, a robe. It took a very long time for us to make but it's very comfortable. There are some things that will never come back in this life which is hard to accept. The things I miss the most.
I can make food that tastes familiar. Pears in beef stew is absolutely delicious though no one else thinks it sounds good. That's okay though. Nobody back then thought it sounded good either. I've also discovered that any broth, vegetable, or meat is better mixed into mashed potatoes! There is absolutely no better treat than chicken broth stirred into warm instant mashed potatoes.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Jq-lQGaaNrmexQ_CODxvF2ESI0m7hL5Xm2EA5Op7IdY/edit?usp=sharingthis doc is about memories and some infodumping
WIP
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